Don't Fence Me In

Is it me, or is this one of the most ironic things you have ever heard?

Apparently, a company hired to build a border fence to keep illegal immigrants out of the United States used illegal immigrants to build the damn fence!

Read all about it here.

Warranting A Warranty

I got my Macbook Pro back from the Apple Store yesterday, and I'll be damned if it isn't a quieter running machine than when I first bought it. Thanks to the Apple one-year warranty (which was ready to expire exactly one month from when I brought the computer in to be repaired), what would have been over $1300 in repairs cost me nothing.

I'm not very familiar with the warranty policies of many other retailers, but Apple offers the ability to extend the warranty to a full three years up until the last day of the one-year warranty (for between $200 and $350). With the end of my warranty in sight, I decided I'd preemptively pay for any future repairs and extended the warranty. If I have a problem anything like what I just dealt with, the investment will have paid for itself fourfold.

It's Funny Because It's True

Another hilarious installment of This Modern World by Tom Tomorrow.

Typical

Read on.

My Pants Are On Fire

I know, I know, I know. I said I'd write more often, but I have a really good excuse this time! I really do!

Just when I thought I'd have time to write again, I get a freelance gig that takes up most of my non-day job hours. And now my laptop is in the shop with a bad Superdrive and a faulty heat sensor and fan. Ironically enough, not having a computer allows me to not do work at home, so now I actually DO have time to write.

So what is happening these days, you ask?

A few good things:

• The wonderful baseball season is upon us


• "Scooter" Libby was found guilty on 4 of 5 counts


• The AP banned Paris Hilton for a week - although it is my firm belief that the ban should be for life

...and a few bad things:

• The post-Libby verdict wishful thinking, mock disappointment and spin (watch the video midway down) begins


• Bush appoints another committee that he will eventually ignore when they tell him things he doesn't want to hear

.. and the world goes 'round.

I've Been Tagged. I'm It.

I've been tagged by Tom over at Hespos.com, and now I have to reveal five personal attributes/anectodes that you, my faithful readers, may not know, or even wish to know about me. I'm always down for a public embarrassment, so here goes:

• I hate mushrooms.
  
  When I say I hate mushrooms, I mean I really hate mushrooms. The smell, the taste, the texture, preparing them, everything about them. Preparing shittake mushrooms is the worst, especially when preparing them by the box as part of your job at a restaurant, like I did at Judie's Restaurant in Amherst, MA from 2000 until 2003.
  
  
• I'm a huge Harry Potter fan. I'm a fan of the books. The movies are okay but are nowhere near the excellence of the books. I know there are a lot of haters out there who have only seen the movies (or just a part of one movie), but basing one's opinion of Harry Potter on the movies without having read the books makes one a moron on the level of those who say Daniel Craig is the worst James Bond ever without having seen the new Casino Royale yet, or those who send others off to war without ever having fought in one themselves. Well...maybe not as moronic as the latter example, but coming close.
  
  
• From 1996 until now I have moved residences twelve times within six cities and two states. During that span I have held eight jobs:
  
  
  
  • Day Camp Counselor in Wading River, NY
    
  • Sales Associate at Polo Jeans, Co. in Riverhead, NY
    
  • Dishwasher at Judie's in Amherst, MA
    
  • Sales Associate at Brooks Brothers in Riverhead, NY
    
  • Cook at Judie's (My second tour of duty)
    
  • Clerk at Video-To-Go in Amherst, MA (the best video store ever)
    
  • Barback at Aria in Boston, MA
    
  • Art Production Manager at ePromos in Manhattan, NY (my current position)
    
  
  
• I have two dogs: Woody the Labradoodle, and Little Dude (El Dudarino, if you're not into the whole brevity thing) the Long Hair Chihuahua.
  I got Woody as a puppy while living in Boston a little over two years ago, and I adopted Little Dude (nee Jayden ugh!) from my sister a few months ago. I also have a cat, Chicken, who lives with my parents on Long Island.
  
  
• I read at least a book a week, and I'm addicted to finishing the crossword puzzles and sudoku in whatever newspaper I buy, every morning on the way to work. In pen. People who use pencils for such games are weak.
  

That's it. That's all you're getting out of me. But feel free to post something about me yourself (maybe something even I don't know) in the comments. I can only tag a few people, not the five that everyone else seems to, because I only know a few other bloggers, but here they are:

• Soynutz - an old friend who I worked with at two of the above jobs
  
• Kezza - another old friend studying abroad in Australia
  
• Rob - a not-as-old-as-the-other-two friend from my Boston days
  

On a side note, it has been quite some time since I last posted something here. I had just started a job and the commute was totally killing me, and then I moved and was still settling in. Now that I have no more excuses not to, however, I have been feeling the urge to write again, and as luck would have it, Tom decided to tag me. So check back often, because I plan on posting as much as I can, on whatever subject I happen to be thinking about at the moment.

The Real Assassin?

Official White House Toilet Paper

I just read perhaps the most disgusting thing I have ever read in my life. Forget American Psycho. Forget Chuck Palanhiuk. Forget Stephen King or Clive Barker. The new master of American horror is from a man who doesn't read and can barely speak the English language. I'm writing, of course, about our president, George W. Bush.

A month ago, Republican Congressional leaders held a meeting with Bush in the Oval Office to discuss renewal of expiring sections of the USA Patriot Act. Bush was told that pushing for some of these provisions could result in a conservative backlash, and this is what followed (thanks go to The Left Coaster:

“I don’t give a goddamn,” Bush retorted. “I’m the President and the Commander-in-Chief. Do it my way.”

“Mr. President,” one aide in the meeting said. “There is a valid case that the provisions in this law undermine the Constitution.”

“Stop throwing the Constitution in my face,” Bush screamed back. “It’s just a goddamned piece of paper!”

Let me put that down one more time:

“I don’t give a goddamn,” Bush retorted. “I’m the President and the Commander-in-Chief. Do it my way.”

“Mr. President,” one aide in the meeting said. “There is a valid case that the provisions in this law undermine the Constitution.”

“Stop throwing the Constitution in my face,” Bush screamed back. “It’s just a goddamned piece of paper!”

This is how the White House views the most sacred document in this country. The goddamn piece of paper that grants him the rights to say such things. The goddman piece of paper that contains the essence and ideas that he claims to want to spread around the globe. The goddamn piece of paper that he continually says "activist" judges do not adhere to. The goddamn piece of paper that he has sworn to his God to uphold. If he feels this way about this 200-year-old goddamn piece of paper, I wonder what he thinks about the people and the country it is written to protect.

By calling the Constitution, "just a goddamn piece of paper," Bush has belittled this country. He has shown how he really feels about America and the ideas it stands for. No wonder we abduct and torture people. No wonder we invade sovereign nations and impose our will on their people.

The only way George W. Bush would respect the Constitution is if it were green and written by the U.S. Treasury.