The Best Defense Is A Good Offensive Joke

What's with the Republican's these days? They can't seem to come up with any excuses for their abhorrent behavior except either, "I forgot," or, "I was just kidding."

Case in point, Bill O'Reilly's defending his call for a terrorist attack on San Francisco.

Another example is the Daily Mirror's report on President Shrub's idea to bomb Al-Jazeera, which quotes an unnamed British government official as saying Shrub's threat was "humorous, not serious."

Then, of course, there is Scooter (I can't even type that name without laughing at how hard he's gonna get railed in prison) Libby's, "I'm too busy to remember everything," defense.

I can't believe that there are people out there that can still listen to these men without vomiting.

Cut The Schmidt And Run

I'm sure you've heard or seen these comments by freshman Congresswoman Jean Schmidt from the floor of Congress:

A few minutes ago I received a call from Colonel Danny Bop, Ohio Representative from the 88th district in the House of Representatives. He asked me to send Congress a message, stay the course. He also asked me to send Congressman Murtha a message. That cowards cut and run, Marines never do. Danny and the rest of America and the world want the assurance from this body that we will see this through.

After bedlam erupted on the floor, Schmidt came back to the podium and asked for her comments to be stricken from the record. Here is what she said:

Mr. Speaker, my remarks were not directed at any member of the House and I did not intend to suggest that they applied to any member. Most especially the distinguished gentleman from Pennsylvania. I therefore ask for unanimous consent that my words be withdrawn.

Let me get this straight. She specifically directs her original comments towards Murtha, then comes back and says they weren't directed at anyone in particular, especially not Murtha.

Wow!

For a woman, she has one of the biggest sacks I've ever seen!

Good thing she was never a Marine, though, because she certainly cut and ran from her statements. So much so, that she didn't even want them recorded. We are so lucky (and she is so unlucky) to have C-Span in there videotaping the entire thing. If C-Span wasn't there, and there was no public record, I am certain that if the Democratic Congressmen came out and told the American people what Schmidt said, the Republican "leadership" would totally dismiss the entire thing as being taken out of context, being politicized, or never having even been said.

UPDATE: Talking Points Memo has a great piece on what a fool and a liar Congresswoman Schmidt is. Check it out here

UPDATE 2: For further reading on the Schmidt hitting the fan, check out this article from the Cincinnati Enquirer.

It's Miller Time!

Check out the video at this link: Click Here

Thanks go to Crooksandliars.com for posting this Oscarworthy film.

Now, my point for linking to it? What do you see? Because what I see is a drunk slurring his words, and then using his wife to hold his drunk ass up before he falls flat on his face. Watch how his hand flops on her shoulder and her weight shifts to accept his full weight, and then her left hand grabs him to stabilize him.

Perhaps the National Enquirer has been reporting the truth. Perhaps he has fallen off the wagon and started drinking again. It explains his erratic behavior of late. It explains his long vacations to clear brush and his extremely late response to Katrina. It explains the reports of his recently flaring short temper. It explains his inability to govern this country.

If the man would just come forward and admit his relapse into alcoholism, there are many in this country who would forgive him. They would use his story as a model for other alcoholics to follow. They would understand and move forward, giving him all the help he needed. Hell, they forgave Pat O'Brien and gave him his job back, and who the hell is he?

It would also become the number one story of his presidency, wiping Iraq, Scooter Libby, Judy Miller, Valerie Plame, torture, "black sites," the recent elections, and everything else off the front pages of the major newspapers of the world. The focus would be squarely on him. It probably wouldn't even be a reason to remove him as President. He could take a long vacation at Betty Ford or some other rehab clinic, and be back in time for the 2006 mid-term elections. The sympathy he would garner from such an act is incalculable.

Of course, he will never do such a thing. He doesn't admit when he's wrong, so why would he admit he has started drinking again. I guess we'll just have to be content with having a drunken fratboy carousing around the world starting fights.

It could be worse. He could step down and Cheney could be President.

It Getting Cold, But There's A Lot Of Hot Air Blowing

This past Tuesday, a number of Republicans and Republican sponsored initiatives fell victim to the re-emergence of core democratic values like common sense, compassion, true morality and fair play. But what does the losing side's most vocal nutjobs do? They resort to name calling and threatening and damning.

First up to the plate was old favorite Pat Robertson. CNN.com has a report about Robertson's remarks concerning the Dover, Pennsylvania voters' decision to elect eight new school board members, replacing those who were trying to force "intelligent" design into the school curriculum. This is what he said:

"I'd like to say to the good citizens of Dover: if there is a disaster in your area, don't turn to God, you just rejected Him from your city. And don't wonder why He hasn't helped you when problems begin, if they begin. I'm not saying they will, but if they do, just remember, you just voted God out of your city. And if that's the case, don't ask for His help because he might not be there."

Now, I am not a religious man. In fact, I don't believe in God at all, but I understand that most people do, and for someone of Robertson's notoriety, [dwindling] influence, and so called understanding of religion to spew such bile is beyond immoral. It is against the tenets of his religion to judge people as he has. But we all knew he was losing his mind from his earlier rantings about the end of the world.

Next up was Bill O'Reilly - idiot savant, hold the savant, extra idiot, with mayo on Wonder What He Was Thinking Bread. MSNBC.com has this story about O'Reilly's comments regarding San Francisco voters' decision to pass a referendum urging local high schools and colleges to ban military recruiters from their campuses. Here is what he said:

"Listen, citizens of San Francisco, if you vote against military recruiting, you're not going to get another nickel in federal funds. Fine. You want to be your own country? Go right ahead. And if al-Qaida comes in here and blows you up, we're not going to do anything about it. We're going to say, look, every other place in America is off limits to you, except San Francisco. You want to blow up the Coit Tower? Go ahead."

Let me get this straight. Bill O'Reilly has the authority to withhold federal funds from San Francisco? He has the authority to hold back rescue workers and military support in the event of a terrorist attack? Wow! With all this voting going on, I must have missed the headline about O'Reilly getting voted in as President of the United States. I know that Bush is having a hard time, and that impeachment has been bandied about quite a bit by the blogs lately, but I was unaware a replacement had already been installed.

I think Bob Dylan said it best:

Idiot wind blowing every time you move your mouth
Blowing down the backroads heading south
Idiot wind blowing every time you move your teeth
You're an idiot babe
It's a wonder that you still know how to breathe

Great Show

I just got back from seeing a show at Mo Pitkins on Avenue A in NYC, and rather than my usual rant, I feel the need to rave for once.

Invited by a friend of mine, I sat in the upstairs theater and watched as Steve Ben Israel gave a masterful spoken word exhibition, followed by his son's hip-hop group, Continuity, who blew me away. They mixed hip-hop beat-boxing with spoken word with trombone with scat and even with the didgeridoo.

I highly recommend seeing Steve Ben Israel or Continuity if you get the chance.

Ethics 101

Firedoglake has a link up to a report by the Washington Post, which states that President Bush has ordered White House staffers to attend mandatory ethics classes to be taught by the office of the White House counsel.

Shouldn't the people who work at the White House already be very familiar with the rules of ethics before they are even allowed to work there? It should be a mandatory part of the hiring process, not something that is learned on-the-fly after they break those rules.

Only someone who is equally ethically challenged would think otherwise.

A Mile High And Rising

Potheads have had a string of good news lately, and today is no different.

Yahoo News reports that residents of Denver, Colorado have voted to legalize possession of up to an ounce of marijuana for personal use.

This news follows the report last week from the University of Colorado, and one two weeks ago, which detail health benefits and dismissed popular misconceptions about habitual use of marijuana.

Perhaps this is all leading towards an intelligent, instead of reactionary, public policy regarding the plant.